Literally Struggling With Forward Motion

So...people always love to listening to to other people's humiliating stories. I don't know, I guess it makes them feel better about themselves or something, but when people ask me about my most embarrassing moment, I can't think of one. I wasn't embarrassed that one time I got pantsed in front of the entire track team. I actually took three or for steps before readjusting my drawers. That was then...this is now...

'Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain, we're awakening! Here we are now with the desperate youth and pain, we're awakening! Maybe it's called...' I roll over and hit my phone. 'No, not now, Jon. You and your band of Switchfoots do not need to lead me in an awakening this morning. 7:00 AM is not a good time for me. I'm tired, my throat is sore, and I most likely won't miss anything in class. Let's call it a day right now. No, Adam! Get up and go to class. Fine...I'll go to class...'

I stumble out of bed and wrestle with my clothes to get them on the right way...everything is a fight when your eyes are still closed. 'Great...even my eyes are telling me to call it quits...' After my clothes are situated, I grab the iPod and my backpack and head out the door...I'm not in the mood for hygiene this morning. My classmates will have to suffer...ohh well.

Walking to class I take a few deep breaths. The morning is absolutely spectacular. I think mornings are especially beautiful to make the wakeup more bearable. How can you not be excited about a clear blue sky, a cool fall breeze and the warmth of the rising sun on your face? Still a little groggy I decide on Relient K to wake me up a little bit. Unfortunately I'm still a little out of it so I put up my hood on my sweatshirt and stick my hands in my pockets and just zone out and walk down the street. College Avenue has been the bane of my existence lately...they decide to replace three squares of sidewalk right where I normally walk to get to class but it's fenced off and I have to redirect my route. 'I guess I'll just climb up that bench cut in the retaining wall and walk up the Old Main lawn to get to class,' I think. 'Why is all of this construction going on now? I guess it just HAD to wait until 40,000 people walk on this stretch of sidewalk 5 days a week...'

I jump up on the seat of the bench and stretch to get to the ground above it...my foot slips...'Uh Oh! Bracing for impact in 5...wait...impact complete...assessing damage...' Thankfully my nose broke my fall. The sound wasn't all that appetizing though. (Anyone who has eaten crab or shrimp know what I'm talking about...you know...that soft, squishy *crunch* noise...ouch) I stagger to my feet and look around... 'What just happened? Why am I staring at the ground right now? I must be looking for something...makes sense. I mean I just landed on my face.' So I'm looking around on the ground for...something...iPod, cell phone, broken teeth...I don't even know. At this point everything is a reaction. Pretty soon things start coming together: 'Well, I didn't lose my iPod. I can still hear Matt Thiessen singing, "To experience the bittersweet, to taste defeat, then brush your teeth..." (If that isn't irony then I don't know what is) 'Maybe I'm looking for my cell phone. I still feel it in my pocket. Wait...MY HANDS ARE STILL IN MY POCKETS! No wonder my face left a crater the ground!

At this point cobwebs are beginning to clear. I'm crying like crazy because that's what happens when you get hit in the face. I take my hands out of my pockets to make sure everything is alright. It turns out that there is blood dripping off of my chin. Everything from my eyes to my upper lip throbs. I check the ground again to make sure I didn't bust any chicklets...my mouth was pretty sore. They were all in there so that was ok I guess. I plug my nose and stagger toward the Willard Building...easily 200 yards away. 'Great. I have to walk to Willard with blood all over my face. My nose is probably broken so it looks like...wait...what should I do? Ohh yeah! I have a pack of tissues in my pocket! I sling my backpack off of my shoulders, still holding my nose. I also take my glasses off...good thing those didn't break. I finally get to the tissues and release my nose to find a constant stream of blood gushing from my nose to the ground...if it didn't hurt so bad I thought it would have looked pretty cool. The bleeding stops enough to continue to Willard and I head to the nearest bathroom. I check the mirror: "Holy crap! Is my face really that swollen?! My nose is bruised...I never knew a nose could bruise. Dang, I'm a wreck.' I take my glasses off to wash my face only to see that I have two black eyes. 'Good thing I wore my glasses today..." By this time I'm pretty awake and swollen and awake and I get to class on time! Great, now I can zone out and think about what just happened...'Hopefully I don't fall out of my desk now...Dude, I can't believe what just happened! I royally jacked up my beak tripping over a freaking park bench! Who does that? I'm pretty messed up...people are going to notice. I can't tell them what actually happened...it's ridiculous! I'm not the guy who gets in fights...that story won't work...maybe I should just own it...could be kinda funny...what the heck?! My neck hurts! Did I seriously just give myself whiplash from landing on my face? Dang, I could really use some Motrin...and a hug.

So I'm owning it. If you see me around and you think I sound congested it's probably because I am. All of that blood coagulated in my sinuses. It's pretty embarrassing but I think it makes for a pretty good story! Ohh yeah...my throat isn't sore anymore either. And if you're interested, check the semi circle bench along College Avenue caddy corner from Pugh Street...you'll be able to see my blood...